Things Not Allowed at Hogwarts andor Shiz
by the-Mad-Majesty-of-Muchness
Summary: A list of things that are not allowed while at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry as well as Shiz University, or while the students of said schools are in each others' company. Rated for language that appears every now and then. HIATUS
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, so this was inspired by "50 Things I am not Allowed to do in Oz" by mad-is-not-the-word-for-it and also by "101 Things Not to do at Hogwarts" by The Fat Chipmunk. So, my pretties, enjoy, and please remember to review. If you have any ideas on what I can add to the list, please let me know, I would be more than happy to hear everyone's ideas! **

**Heart-shattered and shaken up (seen end AN),**

**Maggie**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or Wicked. But, lucky for me, some idiot decided to make this nutty law that allows insane crazies like me to jack around with them and do things like this without getting sued for everything I own.  
**

* * *

Things that Should not be Done at Hogwarts and/or Shiz under any Circumstances what-so-ever

1. I will not yell, "DUDE! YOU NEED A BAND-AID!" at Sirius Black after he has gotten out of Azkaban Prison and has blood all over his hands from the chains** (AN: to understand this, please see my profile)**

2. I will not bring Galinda to Hogwarts while the Shiz students are on break and have her perform the "Ball Gown" spell on Draco Malfoy

3. I will not throw a party and use a potion from Snape's collection as the punch, then wait for someone to ask what's in it and tell them "lemons and melons and pears" just to see if they will say "oh my!"

4. I will not put a potion in the punch bowl, period

5. I will not tell a Death Eater that it didn't get cast as a Night Who says Ni

6. I will not not take Fiyero, Elphaba, and Glinda/Galinda to Hogwarts and let them roam the halls freely to see what kind of havoc will be wreaked

7. Ditto Chistery

8. I will not declare that Madame Morrible is Profssor Umbridge's long-lost twin

9. Even though they are both ugly enough to pull it off

10. I will not introduce the Weasly twins to Fiyero. This will probably end badly

11. I will not declare that Shiz is now named Hogwarts and Hogwarts is now named Shiz just to confuse everybody and see if they will trade schools

12. I will not put Hermione Granger's name on Galinda's entrance essay

13. Ditto vice versa

14. I will not tell Hermione Granger that she is going to grow up to be the Wizard's grand vizier, as telling anybody this generally ends in chaos

15. I will not ask Fiyero who the hell died and made him a prince

16. I will not ask Dumbledore who the hell died and made him headmaster

17. I will not get Fiyero drunk then tell him that Professor Snape has a crush on him and to go start flirting

18. Ditto Chistery

19. Ditto Galinda

20. When asked to do a presentation in Muggle Studies class, I will not organize a witch burning for said presentation and kidnap Elphaba to use as the witch

21. I will not lock Fiyero in a small room with the Weasly twins and force them to pull pranks on each other to see who is the true Master of Pranks, then take bets on who will win,

22. Or on whether or not any of them will survive,

23. Or on who will end up killing who first

24. I will not tell the first-years that if they get Elphaba wet, she will melt, as this is not funny in any way, shape, and/or form

25. Ditto Professor Umbridge, though it IS funny in HER case

26. Ditto Madame Morrible, in whose case it is also funny

27. However true it may be of the latter two

28.I will not tell the first-years that if they pinch one of Fiyero's blue diamonds, he will turn into a scarecrow

29. Ditto poking them

30. I will not steal Elphaba's hat, then switch it out with the Sorting Hat

31. Especially not right before the Sorting Ceremony begins

32. I will not put ink on my owl's feet and have him walk across numerous sheets of parchment to create "ruins" from an "arciach, ancient, and/or lost language", then make said sheets of parchment into a book, and switch it out with the Grimmerie while Elphaba is asleep

33. I will not go to Forks and kidnap Edward Cullen, then take him to Hogwarts and announce that Voldemort did not, in fact, kill Cedric Diggory, but instead turned him into a vampire by mistake without even realizing it

34. I will not take Alice Cullen to Hogwarts and let her have a "prediction accuracy" contest with Proffessor Trelawney

35. Alice will win, hands down

36. Because you NEVER bet against Alice

37. I will not arrange a contest between Elphaba and Hermione to see which one is smarter

38. I will not refer to the Dark Mark as a cult and/or gang identification tattoo

39. Or as a "tat"

40. I will not let Galinda try to make Moaning Myrtle popular

41. Ditto Hermione

42. Maggie and her brother will not kidnap Olivander and force him to make us our very own custom wands

43. Nor will they allow Galinda to go into his shop and find a wand that will actually work for her

44. I will not turn Malfoy into a rat

45. Having not done this, I will not teach Fiyero the "Stupid Fat Rat" spell (Sunshine, daisies, butter mellow, turn this stupid fat rat yellow) then let him test it on Malfoy

46. Ditto Galinda

47. I will not tell Luna Lovegood and Galinda that the two of them are long-lost sisters

48. I will not tell the first years that Draco Malfoy is the spawn of Satan, however true this may be or seem to be at the very least

49. I WILL tell them that doing the Time Warp while the Glee version of the song plays in the background will not only get them extra credit, but has also been scientificly proven as THE best study method ever, and that Hermione Granger herself has even tried it and said that it works

50. I will not call Boq a house elf

51. I will not call Dobby and/or Creature a Munchkin

52. Nor will I call Proffessor Flitwick a Munchkin

53. House elves and Munchkins are not distant relatives

54. Proffessor Flitwick and Boq are not related

55. This being the case, I will not draw a fake family tree that says Boq is Proffessor Flitwick's grandson then give it to them just to watch their reaction

56. I WILL, however, refer to Voldemort as "Moldywart," despite the lack of warts and/or mold anywhere on his body

57. I will not gather all three Deathly Hallows together and then give them to Fiyero, as this would result in chaos

58. I will not act like I am about to free a house elf from his master as an April Fools' day prank, no matter how tempting it may be. This is disrespectful to Dobby's memory.

59. I will not follow George around while wearing the Invisibility Cloak and pretend to be Fred's ghost. This is disrespectful to FRED'S memory

60. I will not make, sell, and/or wear T-shirts that say "Alice Cullen: Too many to count, Prof. Trelawney: 0"

61. I WILL most likely avenge Dobby's death

62. Ditto Dumbledore's

63. I will not attempt a train heist to hi-jack the Hogwarts Express

64. Nor will I replace said train with the Grasstrail Caravan **(AN: PM me if you don't know what this is)**

65. I will not blame the first years for it...whatever "it" is

66. I'll blame Fiyero, instead :) ;) **(see # 8 in "50 Things I am Not Allowed to do in Oz" by mad-is-not-the-word-4-it-XD)**

67. I will not make the latter a prefect

68. Nor will I make Galinda one

69. Nor will I make Chistery one, either

70. I will not ask Percy Weasly who the hell died and made him my boss

71. Ditto the other prefects

72. Ditto the teachers and staff

73. I will not asks the ghosts and/or poltergeists if it was them

74. I will not convince the first years that swimming with the mermaids in the Black Lake is a yearly tradition, only to shove them off the dock when they arrive

75. Having not done so, I will not laugh when the mermaids try to eat the first years

76. I will not give the Marauder's Map to Fiyero

77. Ditto the Invisibility Cloak

78. I will not make and/or sell copies of said Map

79. I WILL brutally maim Bellatrix Black's corpse (see # 61)

80. I will not enchant the suits of armor to say "Ni" every time somebody walks past them

81. I will not ask Nearly Headless Nick if he used to be one of the Knights who say Ni

82. I will not refer to Tonks as "Nymphadora" or "that crazy animagus chick with the funky hair that changes colors"

83. I will not tell the first years that singing the song "Istanbul, not Constantinople" has been proven by Hermione Granger herself as a good way to concentrate

84. I will not dress up as Umbridge for Halloween

85. Or on any other day of the year, for that matter

86. I will not do so in order to frighten and/or scare the first years in an attempt to give them nightmares

87. I WILL tell the first years that the new password for the Gryffindor Common Room is ""levicorpus"" and must be recited with their wands pointed at each other and/or themselves

88. Voldemort and the Wizard are not related

89. No matter how likely it seems that they are due to the fact that they are both extremely evil

90. I will not put Chistery in a dragon costume then pass him off as a baby dragon and have people pay to come see him

91. Nor will I sell said "baby dragon"

92. Having not done either of these things, I will not respond with "Who, the baby dragon? Oh, yeah...I sold him." when Elphaba asks if I've seen Chistery recently

93. I will not wear all black with a hooded cloak and Halloween zombie mask claiming to be a Dementor to scare the first years

94. Prof. Trelawney does not find it amusing when students bring fortune cookies to class

95. I will only say "in accordance to the prophecy" every now and then, as saying this at the end of each individual sentence can be rather annoying and does not raise my grade in Divination unless something really is "in accordance to a prophecy"

96. Even then it may not bring my grade up

97. I will not give the Grimmerie to Harry Potter and tell him that it is written in the latest form of the Parsel Tounge language

98. I will not tell Fiyero and the first years that the answer to all the questions on every test they will ever take is 999,999,999

99. I will not give Peeves a paintball gun then let him freely roam the halls with it

* * *

**An: I am rather shaken up and a bit devastated...um...So, I went with my mom, dad, and brother to see the first part of Deathly Hallows last night, okay? Keep in mind that I've seen all the movies so far, and my brother has read all the books, and we've been looking forward to this movie for a while now, and were totally psyched to go see it last night. However, it had been a while since my brother (let's call him Eddie, it's short for his middle name, Edward) had finished the book series, and, being the idiot that I am, I myself did not read them at all. So, when Dumbledore died in the last, one I was completely shocked. But, anyway...Bellatrix Black, um...she killed Dobby the House Elf, as I'm sure most of you probably know already. Eddie, however, had completely forgotten about this due to the fact that it's been a while since he read the books, and since I _didn't _read them, I had no clue at all that this would happen. We were both in tears. He laid his hand on the armrest between us, palm facing up, and I just, very slowly and shakily, put my hand in his. Then we both just sat there, completely frozen, staring at the screen in shocked silence with what felt like hundreds and hundreds of tears going down our faces. And when we got home, it only got worse, because he broke into hysterics and started crying again right after our dad got out of the car while we were in the driveway. And, so, my pretties, here I sit, typing this, with the last of the shock still wearing off. **

**Devastatedly yours,**

**Maggie  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Yaaaay...ugh...just read...**

**Disclaimer: Do I HAVE to do it? I don't feel like it...**

**Elphaba: Then I'll do it for you**

**Me: *smiles tiredly* Thank you, Elphiiie...**

**Elphie: Maggie doesn't own Wicked OR the Harry Potter series. However, some nut who probably wasn't in their right mind when doing so, passed some crazy law that allows the insane yet LOVEABLE screwballs like her to jack around with us. FIYERO, GET DOWN FROM THERE!**

**Fiyero: (from off to the side somewhere) WOOOO! MINI-MOUNTAIN OF MACHO MANLY PRINCLINEEEESS! **

**Emmett Cullen: *climbs up next to him***

**both: WOOOO! MACHO MANLINESS!**

**Elphaba & Rosalie: GET DOWN FROM THERE!**

**Elphie: Fiyero, you're gonna break your neck, dammit!  
**

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Even more things not to do at Hogwarts/Shiz

100. I will not bring the Giant Squid with me to the Yule Ball

101. Having not done this, I will not laugh when it eats everybody

102. Especially the first years

103. The Accio charm is not the same thing as the Force. They are not to be confused, nor referred to by each other's names

104. This being the case, I will not convince the (extremely gullible and fun to mess with) first years that the Accio is the alternate form of the Force

105. Turning Hufflepuffs into bumble bees is inappropriate, even while in Transfigurations class

106. Nor are they to be poked with spoons

107. First years are not breakfast for Fluffy

108. Nor are they any other of Fluffy's meals, no matter how much I think they deserve it

109. Setting Oliver Wood's broom on fire is generally frowned upon, especially right before a Quidditch match

110. So is setting anything else ablaze

111. I will not scream "DARTH VADER!" whenever I hear "Voldemort" or "Dark Lord" mentioned

112. Nor will I do this every time I see Snape or hear his name mentioned

113. I will not tell first years that either of these people IS Vader

114. Pokemon do not exist and do not reside in the Forbidden Forest, therefore I will not tell Hagrid otherwise

115. Or the first years

116. I am to refrain from making pervy jokes about "riding a broomstick"

117. Nor will I allow Fiyero to do so

118. I will not make the first years bungee jump from the tops of the castle spires

119. Nor will I allow Fiyero to do so

120. Ditto the Weasly twins

121. I myself am to refrain from this as well

122. Referring to the afore mentioned twins as "Feorge (also spelled Forge) and Gred" is not permitted

123. Not even at their own request

124. ESPECIALLY not at their own request

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**AN: ...Send in ideas...yaaay...**


End file.
